If it is not written, it is forgotten. The few I remember:
JAN 31 Brick by Brick for Joey Youngman w/ K Dub and Lisa.
FEB 08 (??) Party @ Onyx Room for local house DJs. DJ Sneak @ Belo.
FEB 16 Alex’s BDay Party. Cab tailgates and limousines, awesome strikes Confidential Room.
FEB 22 House grooves @ Excelsior w/ the usual suspects.
FEB 23 Jack’s w/ Irving, Jason, Christine, Jen.
Put together a new system with geeky naming schema:
Labyrinth (main system)
- PC name, housing all below, running XP Pro
Daedalus (virtual server #1)
- Work related, development server running W2K3 Standard
Icarus (virtual server #2)
- Testing, learning playground, flight of fancy running Ubuntu Linux
Ariadne (system drive)
- OS and applications
Minotaur (upload drive)
- staging directory, unsorted files
Theseus (storage drive)
- permanent location, stable and archived files
Poseidon (printer)
- network shared
Specs:
Antec P180 Case w/ 2 120mm fans on
KDS K-2237mdwb 22″ 1680×1050 LCD Monitor
Intel Core 2 Quad (Q6600 w/ G0 stepping) 2.4 GHz – OCed to 3.0 GHz
ThermalRight Ultra 120 Extreme mounted w/ D12SL-12 Fan + Arctic Silver v5
EVGA Nvidia 8800GT @ stock clock – fan boosted to 40% w/ RivaTuner
ABit Pro IP35 Motherboard
Creative Audigy2 Value Soundcard
2GB Patriot Ram @ 4-4-4-12 timings
Western Digital 500GB 16Mb cache SATA
Hitachi 1TB 16Mb cache SATA
Seagate 400GB 8Mb cache IDE
LiteOn DVD/RW SATA
NEC DVD/RW IDE
Klipsch 2.1 Desktop Speakers
Logitech EasyCall Keyboard / Laser Mouse combo
Fast, stable, and completely silent!
DAY1
First day in Bay, and I lose my cell phone. Or rather, a homeless woman walked in to Mason Cafe and took it. Heh. Possibly a good thing, I haven’t received a call since. Need to stop taking things out of my pocket every time I sit down. We drove up in 7 hours despite bridge traffic and pee stops. Met up with my freshmen year roommate, Aditya, and partied it 80′s style @ Cat’s Club. Very nice. So while he’s up there pulling people on stage raising a ruckus, I’m smiling, laughing, the wild energy of hundreds people singing all at once. He thumbs up from his platform across the club. I raise my drink. And now dumbstruck, a two mile stagger to Orchard Hotel, passaging out. Life sure is funny.
DAY2
Was another beer after rounds of sake necessary? No. But the little dive (Chelsea Place) popping around the corner not five steps away… well now. Yes. And we did. What lovely bartenders. Been a wandering day, split up in the morning after breakfast at Roxane Cafe; I discover light on the happy streets of Union Square-ish area. Reconvened in mid-afternoon, crossed Chinatown to the heady selections of Goorin Hat Shop. Quiches and wine at Divine Cafe, admiring the view of fellow conversationalists, and toting a dozen records from Rasputin; we found our night coming to an almost close in sore-footed exhaustion, pulled towards a mostly empty, nondescript Japanese restaurant. Perfect.
DAY3
Late wake, and off to MOMA for hours of hot cultural injection. Running theme. I empathize with kaleidescope beads and all the mad tumblings for art’s sake but did anything ever mean anything, like shades of orange colliding with blue? Maybe she believed in it at first sight but I believe in second, and having met eyes once and the breath on my shoulder about to speak, I ran away. Cafes later, coffees later, another quiche from Cafe de la Presse, hit up Yoshi’s (historical jazz landmark) in Oakland for 2nd set of Bobby Hutcherson. Great sound, even for a non-enthusiast, and oh yea… at the Barnes and Nobles prior, bought a copy of Dave Eggers’ book What is the What.
DAY4
Last night. Walking and talking, dim sum, more coffees. A blur day because while we smile and speak of plans, there is the specter of daily grind. Doubt. Then making of promises, setting limits/goals, proposing actions, and another road trip. Well. Been a good one, this outing, spontaneity and impulsive detours. Non-stop comedy, trading rips. Explored a great deal with purposeful abandon. Unfortunately did not make it out to all the places on my to-go list… Golden Gate Bakery (recommended by Sean) was packed by means of an immobile line wrapping around the building, nor did we make it to Milk (recommended by Christine) as wanted to keep things low key prior to the drive home. Another time. Maybe soon. Finished What is the What and am inspired.
DAY5
Return to OC. Work. Hung out w/ Grandma. Drove back to SD.
HEALTH
1. Less drinking / smoking
2. More running / weight-lifting / swimming or surfing / kayaking
3. Wake up early consistently
4. Eat healthier / more than one meal at least twice a week
SOCIAL
1. Volunteer
2. Develop stronger relationships / find similar-minded people
EDUCATIONAL
1. Take the GRE General Exam
2. Sign up for a writing class / attend more than 5 sessions
3. Sign up for a technical class
4. Sign up for an international politics class
5. Sign up for a language class
6. Apply for MFA in English (Poetry?)
ACTIVITIES
1. Learn how to ride a motorcycle
2. Take an overseas trip
3. Take a roadtrip within continental US
4. Write something once a week
5. Try rock climbing (indoor / outdoor)
6. Read one new book at least once a month
CAREER
1. Look into military engineer positions / Navy
2. Find a job local to San Diego / preferably non-profit
BONUS
1. Learn how to play guitar
2. Skydive
* * *
Accomplishing 10 out of the 20 goals = a good year.
in the heart there is a hole and into this hole stars are falling, nothing escapes, not even light; it is perfectly black like the mouth of a long and narrow street inlaid with black cobblestones, and walking along this cobblestone street, you suddenly enter your childhood.
outside in the haze a mist encloses a green-blue mountain, your heart is reverbrating with the rushing water of a swift-flowing stream. you are swept by an irresistible current, a mystic pull of words and not of stardust but of space-time, the inside of which is black with smoke.
there is a hole in the heart, around it time is twisted up like a whirlpool that traces a fantastic motion cast like leaves on swirling water: reality is simply that i am sitting in this room which is black with smoke; reality is myself; reality is only the perception of an instant; reality exists through experience.
outside, a damp mist spreads over the valley and the trunks of the distant ginkgo trees silhouetted by the light becomes gentler. it is then that the mountain manifests itself and all around a thick darkness closes in a never-ending implosion, at the event horizon, the pull of gravity becomes infinite.
in the heart there is a hole, a black hole where the future leads only inward and the darkness is so palpable it is a wall. there is no road back, only the tangled mass of unerased consciousness, the cold nonexistence of hyperspace. the mind reels, begs for a metaphor, a lifeline to the familiar.
but outside, a sprawling mist hangs like a blazing ring around the hole, a curtain of smoke terrified of the other shore with its unmoving eyes, bright black eyes seeing right to the heart, and a deathly loneliness prevails behind the curtained doorway. beyond the gates, the surging of the river and the soughing of the night wind all seem to be flowing from my heart.
[Original Post Date: 10/29/2002]
* * *
This is a found poem.
emptiness lies in the wilderness
of green youth spent beneath brown trees,
watching leaves fall.
life must be superfluous then, untimely
crossings of the river.
one night the lamp fell out the moon,
this maple dystopia politely asked for light
to shed my skin of gauze and bandages.
it was something i had never beheld
this felling of leaves clinging
to pull a touch — it yearns to fly.
in autumn something happens like the choosing
of words to write, a rite to loosening ties;
lost in the chemical
splash of neon lights, books have been written
to describe the descent of a leaf.
all night leaves fell outside this bedside
yarn like an eternal stream of sentences;
a word too falls through so much space
before a page catches it, immortalizes it,
discards it.
[Original Post Date: Unknown]
Recent weekend debaucheries. Why bother writing it. Why bother reading it.
* * *
AUG 24 Starlite in S.D.
AUG 25 Wake and bake. Del Mar Race Tracks and a Ziggy Marley concert w/ David, Wendy.
AUG 26 Superbad! Dinner w/ Grandma, James, and other strange events.
* * *
AUG 28 Andy Caldwell @ Focus w/ K Dub, Lisa, Oscar, and James.
AUG 29 Lounge out afternoon w/ visiting revelers and Sumo. Welcome Brandon, Aaron, Carolyn. Late night dancing to Gene Farris @ Side Bar / San Diego.
AUG 31 Main course: Boat party w/ the party crew! Bike taxi home.
SEP 01 Bar Dynamite.
SEP 03 Goodbye roommate, Aaron. Dinner and drinks.
* * *
SEP 07 Busby’s w/ Su, Martin, Dave, Willis. Late-nite dining @ Johnnie’s Pastramis.
SEP 08 KBBQ adventure @ Manna w/ Karen, Dave, Willis. Then, V Lounge. Happy BDay, Kat.
SEP 08 Wrapping up @ Cheesecake Factory in Santa Monica.
* * *
SEP 14 Morena Club. Boomer, the bartender, hooked it up.
SEP 15 Wake and jog, swimming. Cookout. DJ Heather @ Balbao Park, then Belo.
* * *
SEP 21 Endless soju @ Min Sok Chon, misadventures and misnomers.
SEP 22 Jack’s in downtown La Jolla, afterparty @ Irving’s.
“Turn off your fucking radio.”
I am not inclined to do so. I poke at the dial, dropping the volume, raising it back up. He continues. “Every time I sit in your car, there’s always something playing. We haven’t had a moment of silence. It’s annoying.” He has a point.
I turn it off. “That feels so much better,” he says.
And he’s right.
We talk. About real things, unobstructed. I make a U-turn at the light, drop down El Toro and keep on driving. We are talking about art. Then he asks me where I’m going. “I don’t know.” But in my secret heart of hearts, I do know, it’s down the street and up the mountain, past the biker bar, something else altogether; above us tree branches intertwine and form a natural tunnel. Bucolic, pastoral, enviously didactic.
The lesson: a primer on expectations.
“So what do you think?”
“Yea, actually, yea. I think it really works.”
* * *
Between freeways, after dinner, we slide through Alton and signal on San Marino. “Is this it?” I ask, and he has a look on his face. We’ve been driving an hour, hopping from random inlet to ponderous path, doubling-back, tripling-forward, and spinning in our graves. Quest.
“Do you remember anything?”
Up ahead, we swing in. Ahead, the road breaks off.
We whoop at the same time. Familiar green gates, a park, the swimming pool where we learned how to fly. “Oh my god, I think you found it.” Our car makes a left, makes a right, putters past the cul-de-sac.
“This is where we grew up.”
“Yea! And that’s where I almost got ran over.”
High-five.
“Do you think we would have turned out differently if we stayed?”
* * *
Goodnight moon. Yip yip. Submarines @ the Echo in L.A. Thanks David. But I lost my CD stumbling out the venue.
AUG 10 Belo in San Diego, paying homage to legendary Mark Farina.
* * *
Nearly four weeks abroad on business; Washington and Florida tucked away to a kindling corner, a place where grimness waits to be contained before fires and summer lay waste to disconsolation. I was in a fouler mood, raised to clatter in an airport, stuttering on about disjointed unhingement, and wishing to be anywhere but there when the world and words drop away. It’s over, over and done, done and forgotten. There! From the terminal window, a rocket named Endeavour pushed upwards by a finger of smoke. Tries to make it all worth the while.
* * *
I apologize for not knowing how to react to your advances. Please, keep on trying!
Jul 15 – 20 Business trip to Redmond, Washington.
Jul 21 Club/Bar Arsenal in L.A. w/ Willis, Kat, Martin, Su.
Jul 22 Work, meetings, and a rambling lunch w/ Sika, Uyen.
* * *
Street curved into wilderness, aching towards an underworld of lichen overtaking rocks and ancient bark, to a riverbed lost in moss. My eyes followed past the parade of boulders, upwards on into sky. Sunlight, spun through crystal, through green feathered limbs. The scattered clouds, the ragged rain. Something fierce in these woods, not tigers nor men — a stalking sentience borne from the sound of a falling tree that never made a sound.